a woman does belong in the white house

Turns out my nation (marginally) agreed, but the electoral college did not.

Some might say it’s too soon for post-election talk of silver linings, optimism and hope.

But too bad. Because I can’t keep moping.

Grieving, yes. I will be grieving for quite some time.

But action requires energy, and so I’ve got to raise my vibration.

First, the feels

It is pretty hard to get past something if you don’t first acknowledge that you are in it.

This is why I allowed myself to break down late on Tuesday night. I’m not quite sure why I filmed my breakdown—journalism roots go deep, I guess—and I’m not quite comfortable sharing the actual video. But I do think vulnerability is valuable, as is authenticity.

So as a compromise, I’m including a few screenshots and a full transcript in case anyone wants to know what was it was like to process in real-time that Hillary Clinton would not become president.

Transcript of my “Election Night ugly-cry”

Election Night 2016 crying for hatred and Hillary's loss

But let me tell you how I really feel…

So, I just got home from leaving what was supposed to be a party to watch the election results, and I don’t know, it’s like one thirty in the morning or something, and there are a few states that haven’t been called yet, but it’s not looking good. And I just feel really sad for our country.

There’s so much more hate than I realized, and I’m just really worried. I refuse to say afraid. I’m not actually afraid, but I am really worried. Because way more people than I thought don’t care about each other. And they are more—they’re afraid. That’s the only explanation I can think of for how this could happen.

I mean, we did it to ourselves. This is exactly what our country said it wanted to be—like, elitist white men making decisions.

Anyway, what I wanted to say was that the man driving my cab was an older African man, and I couldn’t talk for most of the time because I didn’t cry at the stupid party because I didn’t want to, I was trying to be the person to stay calm and keep people breathing, and like not give in to the negativity, but it’s sinking in as soon as I’m alone.

And I’m like, honestly it’s not—I mean, I’m definitely disappointed that we’re not going to have a female president. I actually thought we could do that, I really thought we were ready for that, and I was so far from—so far off. I’m just really disappointed in that, but it’s not even that.

I mean, it’s really, really disappointing, but it’s more that when I look at how many people in my country not only made a choice that doesn’t value human rights but also did so in secret, like it didn’t match the polls at all, so that means there are a lot of people who weren’t confident or brave enough to tell the truth about what their true feelings were.

Anyway, my driver, he had the election on, and I couldn’t say anything, and at the end I said, “Did you, are you afraid”—or no, I said “Are you concerned?” And he smiled and said, “No.” He said, “This happened in my country about eight years ago. The people who are in charge have nothing in their heads, but this is life, and it’s always full of change.”

And that was it, that was his, like, sage wisdom. And I just said, “Well, I’m sorry that we’re joining you. I’m sorry that my country is like that now, too.”

post-election emotions include despair and determination

And I’m not, like, going to give up, I just, I don’t know how to do what’s next, like I don’t know what the next step, I don’t know what it is. And I’ll figure it out, and I know there are a lot of other people who want to figure it out too, and I hope that we use this as an opportunity to actually do something different.

But, like, every single sign in the whole possible history of all the signs was there, and people voted for an openly racist, openly misogynistic…

That’s like a real thing that happened, in a country that was supposed to be something different.
So, I don’t know, I’m like, it’s Wednesday morning right now, and I have to come up with something for #thankyouthursday, and I don’t know what I’m grateful for right now.

Like, I’m grateful I got to vote this morning, and I’m grateful I got to feel, at least for the day, until tonight and the returns started to come back, I had that feeling of what it would really be like if we were equal. It was a really good feeling. It was better than I thought it would feel.

Because I hadn’t, even though I’ve been a pretty consistent supporter for Hillary, I haven’t been like, I haven’t actually let myself think about how it would feel to have a leader like her.

And I wish she had been able to be more open about who she really is, and truer to her authentic self, because that is somebody that we need, and we’re not going to get her now. So, we’ll have something else instead. And we’ll move forward.

And I guess the biggest thing for me is, I don’t want to do what I watched people do for the last eight years, which is consistently trash and block progress just because they didn’t agree with who was in charge, and I watched people spin all kinds of lies and hatred because “their guy” didn’t win.

And I just feel like we have such a big challenge ahead of us now because we have to be gracious losers, basically, like I have to show up and be loving anyway.

I have to be heartbroken and loving, like I can’t be angry or bitter because it won’t help. And I’m worried that so many people are gonna be angry and bitter, and it’s not gonna help.

post-election fears require kindness and compassion

So I’m just praying for peace and compassion, and I’m gonna take care of myself now, and do some meditation and more prayer, but um, I don’t know. I never make freaking videos, I just wanted to have this on the record, I guess. That’s it. I don’t know what else to say.

After the feels, the rallying

When I finished recording my video I wasn’t sure what to do with it. It felt very true and real and raw, which are all good reasons to share, but even better reasons to wait.

I didn’t trust that my expression of emotion would be helpful to anyone.

(I have plenty of compassion for  myself, but I also have compassion for anyone who might sit through eight minutes of me tearfully choking on my words.)

But as I calmed down and got ready for bed, I reflected on what I’d said.

What message did I most want to convey?

What is the truth that most needs to be heard?

Election Night video, take two:

I promise I will stand up for what is right. I will do whatever it takes to keep shining light.

(Here’s the full transcript:)

So I just finished crying my eyes out, processing the reality that our president is not going to be Hillary Clinton, but is instead going to be Donald Trump. Donald Trump is going to be the President of the United States of America, and that’s the first time I’ve said that out loud, and all I can kind of think is, like, we chose this.

And when I say “we” I definitely don’t mean me, but we’re all connected, and, I don’t know, I could not be more disturbed, and I think I just kinda got all the emotional piece of it out in my earlier video (which I might choose to share, but not right now).

And I guess I just wanted to emphasize my determination to stay a light, continue to be a light-bringer. It’s what we need.

We need healing more than ever, and I’m going to do my part to bring that to the world, no matter what else is going on.

Positivity will prevail

Positivity does not mean ignoring the negative. It does not mean avoiding feelings of fear and worry and disappointment.

And it sure doesn’t mean ignoring facts.

The fact is that this election has consequences. Some of them genuinely endanger large segments of the American population.

The fact is also that Hillary Clinton won the popular vote. More than half the people in our nation who are willing take action on behalf of their beliefs (i.e., vote) believe that bigotry is unacceptable.

Of course, nearly half the people in our nation who are willing to take action on behalf of their beliefs also voted for Donald Trump.

But the point is that at least a quarter of the country really does care about each other.

(And probably more, since just because someone didn’t vote doesn’t necessarily mean they are averse to doing good in their community, and also, it’s possible that some people who voted for Trump will nonetheless be willing to stand up for their vulnerable fellow citizens.)

And in my own echo chamber on social media, at least, I am seeing plenty of hope.

Empathy and understanding lead to right action

I don’t think Trump voters are bad people. I do think they made a bad choice, and that many Americans will unfortunately suffer as a result.

But probably, in more cases than I yet understand, that choice was made for good reasons.

I want to understand those reasons, and I want to stand up for what is right, and I want to create opportunities for growth and healing.

Curiosity and compassion are the keys.

With empathy and understanding, we can take right action.

when-they-go-low-we-go-high

Former campaign slogan, new life motto.

I am grateful for standing up

It wasn’t always comfortable for me to be vocal about my political preferences during this election cycle (not that you’d guess that from my Facebook profile). Sometimes I worried about being judged or criticized.

But I did it because I could (thanks, years of inner work and growth + access to technology!). And because I could I had to.

That is how it works with privilege, once you are aware of it. It is your obligation to use it.

I’m still learning how to use mine, and I intend to get better.

Speaking up and standing up are hugely important, and honestly, had Hillary won, I’m not sure we’d have the same sense of urgency to activate.

Now, those of us who want to care for our neighbors and ourselves are more visible than ever, and we have strength in numbers.

I also think we have strength in diversity: despite political views that so clearly divide us, I suspect that when we stand up tall and hold steady for basic decency and goodness, we will find an abundance of common ground.

#strongertogether #ftw

Hillary’s concession speech made me cry all over again.

I hated that she had to give it.

But I loved what she said, and the grace and dignity with which she delivered her message.

And when I look at everything she has endured and overcome, I know that there is much more I can do.

I’m sure the same is true for you. Let’s do good things together–stay tuned for next steps.

Love > fear,

Christina

 

 

p.s. Still true:

woman-place-in-the-white-house-pillow

 

 

p.p.s. Do you get my #thankyouthursday emails? They’re different from blog posts. Usually more personal, always more direct. You should see a sign-up form right below this post, but in case you don’t, get free hugs to your inbox by going here: christinabryza.com/free-info